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THE SCIENCE OF PARTYING


An 11-Step Program


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STEP ONE: Get A Job

We all hate working, but it really is the most practical way to buy beer. It will also prevent you from drinking constantly. Be aware, however, that the number of drinks you consume on a Friday night is directly proportional to the moral suffering from your work week. Although it may be exciting at first -- drinking a weeks worth of beer in 2 1/2 hours with your moderately festive co-workers -- it invariably becomes addictive. Soon you'll find yourself entangled in all the little dramas, the money will be good, the beer will be flowing, and you're done. 2 years later you're insane. It's true. There have been studies.

Try to find a job that will cause as little grief as possible. Don't select a job picking up other people's shit and don't pick a job where you bring your work home with you. Don't worry if you don't like your boss. Bosses are supposed to boss you around because that's what they're paid to do. And of course they are never going to be as smart as you because if they were, they wouldn't have taken such a schmuck job bossing you around. Remember, you wouldn't want their job anyway because they're not going to go home and drink beer.



THE SCIENCE OF PARYTING

next in the series

STEP TWO:

How To Drink Beer And Keep Your Job